“Search me, God, and know my heart; Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23,24
Do you sometimes long for quiet but when it comes you realize you weren’t quite ready for it? My heart and my mind have been in go mode for the last week or longer preparing for our Sisters event at church, getting ready to speak and having a house full of our kids, son-in-law and grandson. So one by one as they left and my husband was back at work and my son at school, my house got cleaner but my heart got heavier. It does not overwhelm me though, I choose to be grateful. Grateful that I have so many to love, grateful for new life in my grandson, grateful that we had an opportunity to impact so many women’s lives with the love of Jesus. I am grateful for the core group of women leaders that I was privileged to gather with and plan this event. It was such an honor to watch them walking in their giftings, bringing a sense of effortlessness in execution.
I love how God arranges and orchestrates and weaves stories and teachings together to encourage and enlighten and really show us His heart for us. My friend Niki and I both spoke at our event and the overlap that happened without our knowledge or planning was simply beautiful. I laughed with delight as our sermon at church the next day and Joyce Meyer’s teaching in our women’s lifegroup also reiterated the main ideas. Perhaps the Father is trying to tell us something! Or at least myself as it seems to be following me.
Which leads to my opening sentence. The quiet hit me in the heart today as my daughter and grandson were the last to go and let’s face it, the baby is the hardest to see leave. I am kind of used to it with my adult children as it has happened for a few years but oh that baby Kaiden has my heart. Having children was like wearing your heart on the outside of your body and it is still is ,having a grandchild is like wearing it all over you and it is exploding. I try to capture the essence of what this new love is every time I am near him because it fascinates me. I think a lot of it is I am older and wiser and more free to love without all the restraints of raising and discipline and daily rituals and it is quite an awe-inspiring thing to watch your flesh and blood care for and raise a baby. It is like my heart has this fierce protectiveness reignited, especially after watching him enter the world through a lot of trauma. It is also because of this love that I am able to love others more deeply. And oh his smile, melts my heart and I see it melts his Mama’s as God brings healing to her heart through him.
Ok really back to my opening sentence, it is in this quiet that God meets with me. It is this quiet where I need to recharge after some hard packed ministry. It is here where I need to be so nobody else gets in my crosshairs as my emotions are highly charged. It is here where I give my thanks. It is here where I continue to pray for all the women whose paths crossed mine this weekend and whose hearts were laid bare for the King of Kings to heal and love. It is here where I let Him search my heart and He shows me that I am trying to manage others emotions because mine feel out of control. It is here where I let Him touch that part of me and move me to keep doing what He is calling. It is here where I get my mind off of myself and onto His greatness. In the quiet He can renew my mind, In the quiet I can hear His heartbeat and I can sit until it is in sync with mine…
How are you meeting Him in the quiet?